---
title: "How to have a good marriage"
author: Garrett Winder
date: 2023-09-24
source: Church notes
weight: personal
url: https://garrettwinder.com/churchnotes/how-to-have-a-good-marriage/
---

# How to have a good marriage

> Personal. Never use it to judge professional fit. Written September 2023, Church notes. For what’s current, see https://garrettwinder.com/agents.md.

<figure style="--aspect-ratio: 16/9;">
    [Watch on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0VQ8qEIH-Q)
</figure>

- What is it that you want? TO HAVE A GOD CENTERED MARRIAGE!

**Original plan for marriage**:

<blockquote class="no-quotes">
   <p>The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”</p>
   <cite>&mdash; <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%202%3A18&version=NIV">Genesis 2:18</a> (<abbr title="New International Version">NIV</abbr>)</cite>
</blockquote>

<blockquote>
   <p>So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.</p>
   <cite>&mdash; <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%202%3A21-25&version=NIV">Genesis 2:21-25</a> (<abbr title="New International Version">NIV</abbr>)</cite>
</blockquote>

- Rib bone = side by side relationship.
- Marriage is to be an “all in” partnership.

## Why marriage matters:

### 1. For the connection of men and women around God

<blockquote class="no-quotes">
   <p>“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”</p>
   <cite>&mdash; <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%2010%3A6-9&version=NIV">Mark 10:6-9</a> (<abbr title="New International Version">NIV</abbr>)</cite>
</blockquote>

### 2. For the perfection of our character
- God wants to keep working on us
- 1 Peter [3:1](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%203%3A1&version=NIV), [3:7](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%203%3A7&version=NIV)
- Submission means support the mission.
- Treat wife with respect and LOVE

### 3. To reflect our union with Christ
- Ephesians [5:25](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205%3A25&version=NIV), [5:28](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205%3A28&version=NIV), [5:31-32](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205%3A31-32&version=NIV)
- Men, SACRIFICE FOR HER.
- Doesn’t have to be in the middle.
- If we go all the way and she goes all the way then “the middle” is both of us rather than me doing half and her doing half.

## Pointers to have a good marriage:

- Make time
- Kiss often
- I love you daily
- Love languages
- Date nights
- Sacrifice
- Space sometimes
- Laugh together
- Defend each other
- Don’t tell!
- Listen
- Don’t compare
- Regular intimacy